Brace yourselves, folks -- Congress has finally put its foot down on a practice that’s long raised eyebrows, banning the Pentagon from conducting painful experiments on dogs and cats, as the Washington Times reports.

This seismic shift, cemented by new language in the defense policy bill signed by President Donald Trump, halts such testing across the entire Department of Defense with only narrow exceptions.

Earlier this year, reports surfaced about the Navy funding experiments that shocked and maimed cats for studies on topics like erectile dysfunction -- hardly the noble cause taxpayers expect their dollars to fund.

From Navy Scandal to Sweeping Reform

After the public outcry over these revelations, the Navy wisely hit the brakes on its dog and cat testing, but Congress decided that wasn’t enough.

The new law extends the prohibition to all Defense Department branches, ensuring no corner of the military can justify inflicting pain on man’s best friend or feline companions.

Exceptions exist, though -- research deemed “not painful” can continue, and the Secretary of Defense can waive the ban if national security demands it, though one wonders how often that card will be played.

Defining Painful Practices Under New Law

What qualifies as painful? The law leans on Agriculture Department guidelines, banning horrors like surgical implants, tumor induction, and forcing animals into exhausting distress while allowing milder practices like diet adjustments or basic injections.

This isn’t just a bureaucratic shuffle; it’s a victory for groups like the White Coat Waste Project, which exposed the Navy’s experiments and has long pushed to curb taxpayer-funded animal cruelty.

Anthony Bellotti, president of White Coat Waste, didn’t hold back, declaring, “Across federal agencies, the Trump administration has slashed tens of millions of dollars in animal testing exposed by White Coat Waste investigations.”

Trump Administration’s Broader Push on Testing

Bellotti’s praise for the administration isn’t empty flattery -- under Trump’s watch, federal agencies like the NIH and CDC have cut back on questionable experiments, from gender transition studies on animals to drug tests on beagles.

Even the EPA has started retiring research animals from labs in North Carolina, signaling a wider cultural shift against treating creatures as disposable lab tools.

Sen. Joni Ernst, never one to mince words, added, “Our furry friends and the American people will be safer with defense dollars that protect our homeland instead of funding nonsense pseudoscience.” Well said, Senator—let’s hope the Pentagon prioritizes real threats over pseudoscientific pet projects.

Coalition Support and Ongoing Debate

The push for this change wasn’t a partisan slugfest; it united Democrats, Republicans, conservative voices like Laura Loomer, Trump allies like Elon Musk, and even progressive icons like Ben Cohen of Ben & Jerry’s -- a rare bipartisan win in a divided age.

Yet, not everyone’s cheering -- researchers argue animal testing remains essential for some health studies due to a lack of alternatives, while opponents counter that firm bans are the only way to force innovation in cruelty-free methods.

Ernst also highlighted a dirty secret: U.S. funds have sometimes bankrolled painful experiments in overseas labs, a practice that’s as outrageous as it is unaccountable. If we’re cutting waste at home, let’s ensure our dollars abroad aren’t torturing animals either. This law is a step forward, but the fight for ethical science isn’t over -- taxpayers deserve transparency, and our four-legged friends deserve better than being pawns in outdated experiments.